That's what time it is now. Today is Sunday, very early morning. I'm waiting to fall asleep and then I'll have to get up early for church tomorrow.
I'm a bit hungry. Might eat some cake or cookies as an after midnight snack before I drop off.
D-day is on Friday. I will officially leave for England then, and be there by July 4th. Celebrating colonial independence with the Imperials on the first day of my arrival. How ironic.
I've gotten a number of lovely things. Pics of my gear will be up as soon as I get the chance tomorrow to upload some pics.
Essentially I have an army duffel bag. A great piece of luggage if I say so myself, vintage the Vietnam war, and smells every bit the part too. Despite that I still love it, with its faded green time-roughened canvas, a large splotch of blue spray paint on the bottom, and a stenciled "U.S." on the side of it. Couldn't look more like a yank if I tried.
But anyway, it's pretty awesome. It has a TON of space and it has backstraps (which are fairly old and not that comfortable anymore so I'm thinking of replacing those somehow), so you can wear it like a backpack. It's closing mechanism is something I've never seen before, using a hook and clip instead of a zipper or drawstring.
I got a cheap tent from Kmart and it works. We set it up the other day so I wouldn't look like a total doofus when I get there and spend 2 hours trying to put up a 10 minute set-up tent.
My sleeping bag is pretty nice. It's good up to 16 degrees farenheit I think, and it packs down really really small and light.
I have my trowel, though I'm a bit worried it isn't the right type. I think it is, but not certain.
I bought some waterproof boots from Payless. They aren't exactly stylish, but they'll do the job.
And of course, I have a good number of khaki pants. Can't do archaeology without khaki pants. Oh crap! I forgot to pack my bullwhip, pistol, and fedora. Dx
On Monday, I have to save my ass from the treacheries of academia, and hopefully get myself on academic probation rather than bein kicked out altogether. And I also have to renew my license that's been expired for about a year now.
I really know I'm terrible, and just irresponsible, and I have no right to blame anything on anyone but myself. In the past few months, I've ditched jury duty, crashed my mom's car into a pillar, missed the registration dates for my classes, failed 3 out of my four classes essentially, failed to renew my license, let my apartment fall into the darkest depths of despair (it smelled of despair too), and pretty much just let myself be sucked into a video game because I really really really didn't want to face reality. And I still don't.
I hate reality.
But I'll try to come to terms with it.
Seriously, I'm about to stab myself to death. This is really not cool.
My University wants to academically disqualify me from attending there since my quarter GPA was dismal. So just like that, even though my overall GPA is really close to 3.0, they just want to kick me out because I screwed up on one quarter in which I was as sick as a dog and simply unable to attend most of my classes for about two out of the three months unless I wanted to attend in pure agony and misery, and in which I took too many credits and started having extreme mental breakdowns, and then add the stress of me not being able to get out of the classes I wanted to drop, even though it was within the normal time period for a drop.
These past few months have probably been some of the most miserable in my life, and rather than give me a chance to make up for it, by retaking those classes, making up those credits, and raising my GPA by a substantial amount, they'd rather just push me out since they feel they don't have enough room in their school. Them not having room is their own fault. They accept too many students, and don't spend enough on expanding.
I'm going to bitch at them tomorrow, and if I don't turn around their decision, I'mma fuckin rampage. Not to mention, they want me to set up an appointment with the counselor to speak about it, but don't have any time slots available until AFTER I leave for England. This school is a piece of shit.
Somewhere over the rainbow, dreams really do come true.
We're not living over the rainbow unfortunately, but dreams can come true on this side of the arc as well.
I have many many dreams. I have never had any shortage of dreams. And I know for a fact that my dreams will come true.
No matter what happens. Sometimes things don't go my way, but it's okay, but no matter, things will be all right in the end. All you have to do is get back up again and keep walking.
Whenever it seems a door closes, always know that another one opens, and that there is never truly an end to your goals. You may sometimes have to reinvent your dreams. Look at them in a new way, but your dreams are always within your grasp.
As always, my dream is to live a good story, because in the end, that's all you have. I have always strove for my story. Some times or others, I have lost sight of this goal. No matter what, I will live my story. And it will be mine to tell, and hopefully, my story will include many people that I love, and I can tell it to those same people as we grow or get old.
Even though its important to pay attention to the present, it won't do to lose sight of the future, or forget the past, but don't let the future daze you or hide in the past so you can't see the present.
I guess, I'm going to do my very best at this late point in time to try and rescue at least two of my grades. It's fairly hopeless for O. Chem.
I'm a bit put-off because I had thought I had done alright on two of my midterms in Ecology, but the 80 and 70 were actually out of 120 and 130 respectively, so in actuality I had gotten a D and an F. I've pretty much bombed this entire quarter, and my mind which does not tolerate much mental stress has gone into sleep mode pretty much. It functions on very low power, and much of what I do everyday is basically 80% sleep.
I am in the process of cleansing, and I cleaned pretty much my whole apartment, and I am now attempting to give my brain a reboot and rethink the way I go about studying for my big tests. (This past quarter has been "ignore it until the morning of the test and cram as much as you can into your brain".) Spring has proven to be a very stressful time for me, and it will definitely take a huge toll on my future mental health, and my standing, but to be honest, I'm past the point of letting it get to me, and though my parents will be mortified and probably bitch me into my grave, I'm in freaking college now and they really can't do anything about it. That said, though I am certain I will probably not be getting even a measly 3.0 GPA this quarter, I will do the best I can in this one and a half week period to prep myself for the upcoming finals.
By the way, my hair is gold.
I guess it wouldn't be inaccurate so say right now, that I'm pretty much fucked.
I've been failing most of my midterms recently. I haven't gone to pretty much any classes in the past two weeks. And I barely study at all anymore. Most of the time I feel like I'm in hellish nasal and ocular agony due to my allergies. And the rest of the time I simply can't resist the urge to collapse on my big soft bed, bury my red watery eyes and snot covered face into my pillow and sleep for most of the day. Just yesterday I bought something my violin teacher recommended. Zyrtec. I don't have much faith in modern allergy medication, but for yesterday and today it's been only so far. Granted, I took it late yesterday, and I didn't really feel any onset of allergy symptoms anyway, so it could be purely coincidental.
Anyway, my grades are gone to shit, and I've pretty much given up on even thinking about what the fuck I'm gonna do after college. For some reason, in my brain I've been thinking this is the last quarter of my last year, and I've got nothing to do from now on. Really though, I didn't realize I have a whole nother year after this. I ain't gettin into Med School, that's for certain.
Ugh. I'm seriously in the mood to just say fuck it all, and give up. I hope I'll feel differently after this batch of hell has gone away.
I guess it wouldn't be inaccurate so say right now, that I'm pretty much fucked.
I've been failing most of my midterms recently. I haven't gone to pretty much any classes in the past two weeks. And I barely study at all anymore. Most of the time I feel like I'm in hellish nasal and ocular agony due to my allergies. And the rest of the time I simply can't resist the urge to collapse on my big soft bed, bury my red watery eyes and snot covered face into my pillow and sleep for most of the day. Just yesterday I bought something my violin teacher recommended. Zyrtec. I don't have much faith in modern allergy medication, but for yesterday and today it's been only so far. Granted, I took it late yesterday, and I didn't really feel any onset of allergy symptoms anyway, so it could be purely coincidental.
Anyway, my grades are gone to shit, and I've pretty much given up on even thinking about what the fuck I'm gonna do after college. For some reason, in my brain I've been thinking this is the last quarter of my last year, and I've got nothing to do from now on. Really though, I didn't realize I have a whole nother year after this. I ain't gettin into Med School, that's for certain.
Ugh. I'm seriously in the mood to just say fuck it all, and give up. I hope I'll feel differently after this batch of hell has gone away.
Some of my favorite manga.
Ubel Blatt
Tegami Bachi
Historie
Vinland Saga
Family Compo
There are a few other I like a lot as well, but not good enough to make it to my Top 5. =B
Hm. I wonder if my attitude this quarter is simply me essentially giving up, or if I'm just taking things at a relaxed pace. I simply ceased to care what my grades are. I consider it an accomplishment if I only miss 2 classes during the week instead of 5. 5/10 isn't an F. It's getting half of them right, yay!
So I didn't study at all for my midterms. No need to stress. Just have fun. =B
Inarguably, my grades will be utter fail this quarter. And I'm pretty much resigned to that, even though I'm only about 3 weeks into the quarter. It can't be helped after all. Not when I'm taking 4 core science courses, which demand totally different things from one another some of which make utterly no sense, and the common complaint you have that each teacher disregards the fact that students have other classes besides that one is taken to the outermost extremes (because fact is, very few students take more than 2 science courses in a quarter, since they are under a LOT of pressure from counselors and friends who want them to succeed to drop anything more than two core science classes, and teachers tend to anticipate that, so not many students are in my position). I guess it's my own fault for being stubborn and refusing to drop a course in order to succeed in my other ones. Fact it, I really don't even care about succeeding anymore.
My grades simply aren't good enough, and it's impossible for me to raise them to be good enough by the time I graduate to get into Medical School. So all I really care about is getting my degree. If it's getting C's in classes, that's a cinch. Just do mediocre work because that's what I do best. Then maybe I can get into graduate school and get a degree in Archaeology. Maybe I can get good enough grades in graduate school to get into med school after that. Who knows.
So, I'm wondering if my attitude is 'giving up', or simply taking it easy. It's a rare thing to be a student after all, and not be totally stressed about making the grade, and simply enjoy learning the material. I like continuing like this.
Kids are feeling older and older every year, and old folks are looking younger and younger.
Or at least that's what it seems like.
I feel like an old man. Deep nostalgia of the good ol' days has already set in.
I remember my old childhood neighborhood friend who lived across the street from me. Since I've always been video game deprived (my parents never really approved of fun in our household) I always went to his house for N64 or PS1 goodness. It was there that I found myself hooked into the RPGs. (My friend was more into the wrestling and racing games himself. So I played the RPGs that gathered dust a lot in his room.) It was from there that I fell into anime, and Japanophilism, which I've now pretty much outgrown. But those were significant phases in my life.
I still feel the memories well up, when I hear about the old games I used to play, like Chrono Cross, and Legends of Dragoon, and Wild Arms. Ohhh... Wild Arms. You sad excuse for a 3D game, but still could pack in so much heart breaking storyline into your pixelly goodness.
Here is the theme song from Wild Arms just for old times sake. I love you.
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yuugao said:
Claritin! I think that's how you spell it. Zyrtec doesn't work for crap. (On me, anyway.) read more
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Anomy said:
I got the same issue with Ebay too. I purchase this sports action figure from this Seller read more
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