Resolutions

My single New Year's Resolution this year is to sometime this year get totally shitfaced for my first time. ;D

And to tell you the truth, I'll probably do it! Especially since I turn 21 this year. ;3 It's sad. My little sister got drunk years ago, and I still have yet to. =[ BUT I'LL DO IT! D;< I DEFINITELY WILL.

I have other resolutions too but I don't call them New Year's Resolutions because most people break those. These are simply "resolutions".

I resolve to:

1. Do every single graded assignment and turn it in on time.
2. Start assignments as soon as they're assigned.
   
3. Start large projects and papers as soon as the quarter starts.
4. Attend EVERY class and lab and discussion.
5. Study at least one week ahead for every exam.
6. Do all required reading ahead of time, and skim book material before my classes start.
7. Take attentive notes during every lecture.
8. Record every lecture.
9. Make full use of study aids made available by teachers.
10. Keep organized and make good use of my schedule planner.
11. Ask teachers before exams exactly what the exam is testing on.
12. Complete rough draft research papers ahead of time and bring it to the teacher or TA and ask if I'm on the right track.
13. Get straight A's.
14. Get a job.
15. Save my money and be like a miser, never spending my money on anything, such as eating out, or toys and stuff.
    

So yeah. I NEED TO DO ALL THESE THINGS. AND I WILL DO IT!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I need these grades for Med School, and I need the job for money to go to England this Summer.

To be totally and honestly truthful, I really DO NOT want to be a doctor. It just seems overwhelming, the requirements, and the responsibility, and of course dealing with everybody's insides. The last thing I want to do is to be a doctor. I hate seeing innards and blood, and I'm terrible with pressure, and I've never ever been called responsible and as a doctor to suddenly be responsible for someone's life. I honestly don't know if I can take it. The thing I'm most afraid of is somehow actually becoming a doctor and then realizing that I don't belong there. To find out only then that I don't have what it takes to be there with others who work to save people's lives and to someday be the cause of someone losing their life.

It freaks me out. I hate hospitals, I hate surgical tools, I hate chemicals and chemical smells, I hate blood and guts, I hate seeing disease and sickness, and I'm sure I would hate being a doctor.

But for some reason I'm still going for it. What I really want is the ability to save the lives of the people in front of me. Granted I would be MUCH MUCH happier if I could do that simply by waving a magic wand and making wounds and sickness disappear, but if all that's left to me is today's method then I'll simply grit my teeth, settle my stomach and try to deal with it. I don't know if I can overcome it, but I'm going to do my best.

I don't know if my parents sense my apprehension or they simply sympathize with the upcoming queasiness that I'll probably experience, but they keep telling me to go for being a pharmacist, or a dentist instead trying to entice me "it's easy", "it makes just as much money", etc. If I wanted to make money I wouldn't be dreaming of signing on as a military doctor and then traveling the world to give out medical aid gratis. And you can't really feel like you're saving someone's life when you're mixing chemicals at RiteAid and handing it out or drilling someone's teeth. Both of those things are almost as undesirable to me as working with people's guts.

If it turns out my career as a medical student meets a dead end if I can't get into Medical School, I'm not going to settle for either of those things. I'd become an archaeologist which has been my dream since I was a child. I probably won't be able to do anyone any good as an Archaeologist, but if I can't help anyone as a doctor then there's nothing I can do but to indulge myself with my dreams of the past.

I don't know. What I really want to do... It's all a mixed up mess. I want to do the thing that I least want to do, and I don't really know why. The best thing I can do now is to set my teeth, and learn everything that needs to be done to get where I want to go, and then simply do all those things, and simply get straight A's, and just do it. Do everything. I won't try my best. I'll simply do it, because I love the line in "The Rock". "Losers always whine about 'doing their best'. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen." xD Sean Connery is always so badass even though he's a geezer.